Sigh

Have you ever noticed that after each time you get a good fright you realize a lot of things?

Last week I have had a frightening experience. Frightening for me, and probably for a few people too who are hypochondriacs in some sort of way. I mean, I got really scared out of my wits and I still am very much upset. It was probably the ultimate scare I encountered to this day. Okay, so this is what really happened. I was on my way to school. I had to ride a tricycle to get to that overpass I had to cross to get to the other side of the road where I’ll hail an fx, jeepney or a bus… whichever come first, then I’ll be on my way to school. So, while I was walking through it I saw this person. I could have overlooked her like everybody had if I hadn’t been watchful that time. I suppose it was an ordinary and normal event for them because the people seemingly didn’t give the slightest hint of demur. They just scooted right past her, not taking a glance or a squint at her direction. I, on the other hand, upon seeing her and the condition she was in became all the more alert and dead scared. The woman was bleeding all over; she had no hair and fingers, and was evidently slowly decaying while she still lived. Leprosy was what came to my mind first. My heart began to race and there was a sudden rush of energy on my feet like it was preparing to take flight before I could faint. I almost did. I must have looked like a nut when I walked past with that panic-stricken, ashen face in that tensed strut. When I got off the overpass and was at the bus stop, I couldn’t help but look back up there to check whether she decided to follow me, and gladly she did not. The odd thing was, there was this guy… I think he was in his twenties; he appeared to have tried to help her out, gave her some money, and led her off the overpass to a safer place. He even touched her on the head, (she had been wearing a bandana) and it just completely bowled me over how he willingly laid a hand on her. Usually people are reluctant to do that, afraid of contracting the bacteria; I know I would. But after seeing what the guy did, I just felt bad. I know I shouldn’t probably be thinking like this, I should try and understand the person before I get all denouncing cause of their health problems. Especially cause I am training to be a good nurse. What kind of nurse will I be then; if at the first sign of difficulty I’d already turn tails and flee? Now I know leprosy isn’t that contagious, that we all have a natural defense mechanism against the bacteria, and its definitely curable if detected early… it could only be transmitted through prolonged contact and bodily discharges, especially the ones coming from the nose. I did a report on that. But when you actually meet one, a real person who has it… it’s a whole different thing. The reaction is most intense when it’s your first time to see one up close. It’s like watching your favorite star on tv, and bumping into them in real life then you get star struck; probably not the best example. *lol*

I feel bad… for not feeling sorry for them. It’s not like they asked to be like that. They aren’t to be blamed for their situation. They are just unfortunate people who direly need to feel that they belong to the society, or to something. People shouldn’t act like they are abominations or something because it emotionally injures them; and that doesn’t feel nice, not at all. “I” shouldn’t do that. Mmmff… why do I gotta feel so guilty?

I mean, there are mean people fanned out globally just doing cruel things to people without having to feel rueful for their actions. Come to think of it… is it not funny, how people say that when you do good things… it would be reciprocated by good things happening to you. But I don’t think that is true all the time. I’ve been nice to people, more than nice in fact… sometimes even servile, and pathetic. Bad things still happen to me. Lets look at it this way, a bad person does evil things… and bad things would still happen to him, and then there is the good guy… bad things would also still happen to him despite his being a nice person. Things transpire whether you’re in it or not. It’s all mixed up.

Yeah, I know this is another one of those crappy posts. But I’m just too upset to write something decent.



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