Exhausted and A little Scared

‘People come and go, and they always leave a trail behind… you would have to pick up after them to keep it.”

Everything changes.

They really do.

One day you’ll just find yourself talking to that good friend and realize that he has become a completely different person, and the gap would start to stretch.

The whole idea just sunk in…

I would continuously change friends until I permanently stay in one place (even then, there is still possibility of losing them to some other reason). And these friends that I have now, they would leave my life some time in the future, we would have to go our own ways to try to reach our own dreams… it’s almost a forgone conclusion. Then when we happen to cross paths again, we might not recognize each other… or want not to.

It is really hard when you are the sort of person who gets to go to places, even to the most beautiful places. You won’t find real friends that you can stick with. Even if you do find them, you won’t get to hold on to them because you would always have to leave. Like with everything, you really don’t get to own anything that is of this world… everything changes.

- - - -

I was with my cousin the whole day; she went with me to school to help me enroll. Well, we were not able to accomplish that because of the conflicting schedules, so we would have to go back tomorrow. (the school should start to learn how to organize their classes, with all those “extra expenses” they charge the students… surely, they could hire reliable help and buy some robotic thingamabobs to easy the task for them) While on the queue we had a little conversation about school, and theoretically came up with how we supposed things might play out for me and for them too. Like how I have to enroll on summer classes to be on a block section, and the `memorable” things that might happen during my duties on hospitals, and after that... work, etc. The same discussion dragged on until we got home, and in our room lying on our tummies.

Then it led to a more serious talk, about our plans… in the future… when we already have our own jobs and are earning money. I told her about how I would like to take my masters abroad, and she admitted that she’d been thinking about that too. And I said, ‘Hey, lets make a pact… we’d study abroad for our masters. That would be jolly awesome” and I can vaguely remember if it was a yes, or a maybe that I got from her. Then there was this sudden flash of scenes in my head, like me on a nursing scrub, them working some place else, me alone and them too… spending Christmas at work, shopping with myself, etc. I know I should not be thinking of things on such a morose scale, but I can’t help it. I suppose it’s because of what I see on the people around me, and how sad they are with their adult lives… always complaining when there is actually a lot to be thankful of, maybe that is why I developed such a terrible take on possibilities.

Right now, it’s the first time ever that I have been so unsure and scared of what could be ahead. I have my own plans laid out, and I badly want to think that I could make it all come true. But I can only hope, and keep on trying. Destiny has his own twisted way of making things happen, and always leaving a blow with such a magnitude on people. It’s the beauty of it though, that big cloud shrouding our horizon so we can’t see… and we would have to find our own way. After all, the journey is more important than the ending, they say. *smile wistfully*

This is what an exhausting day spent at school makes me do...


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