Like a horse on your rooftop

I just Love Mariah Carey, isnt she such a fantastic singer?
I am listening to one of her songs right now.
That Mariah sure can sing.

Mellow music. It surprisingly calms me down, and my tired irate heart likes it. When there is nothing there to be a cause for antagonism. Everything would just seem, perfectly okay and passable. Because in my reality, it is a massive contrast to this fond feeling of comfort.

- - - -

I incredibly hate it when I am uninspired. Each piece of instigation I get out of reality simply seems to make no sense anymore. All of it seems to conjure no element of curiosity in me. I just cant bear that. It feels as if my soul doesn’t have anything to attach its dreams onto, and it is incredibly draining. Almost to the extent that would make me contemptuous of instant fulfillment, and prolonged gratification. When I always get my way, I would easily tire of things and miss the effort put in to attain something. But when I don’t, I would tremendously hate it. Because I want too bad to always have my way and get what I want, by then I had realized the futility of my efforts since I could have had it without doing so. It is a case of retribution of having obtained the reward, too soon or too late. Some karmic phenomenon perhaps. But darn it, I still am not interested.

Imagination, I don’t even know if I am still capable of it. These days, everything had just seemed too boring that I didn’t even bother to imagine,or envisage, or even just think out of myself. I try to continue to nourish it in a way that it would stay purely individual and even theatrical, to have a me-ness in it. But where shall I find a reason to stick with. Even in my lonesome moments, I have always relied on my mind to take me to a more magical nonexistent world, out of my funk. But these days, there is just nothing there. Just the thought of my impending flight to South Korea… and back to my dear old home, the Philippines.

I shall always love the idea of constant fascination, at least that way, I would never get wary of monotony. I sometimes marvel about our brains. Which part of it is responsible for our emotions of wonderment? If that portion of the wrinkly mass of soft grey matter in our heads is bigger than the normal, will our bland lives also be Larger?... Lived Larger than life?

`You, your joys and your sorrows, your memories and your ambitions, your sense of personal identity and free will, are in fact no more than a behavior of a vast assembly of nerve cells and their associated molecules. (Francis Crick)

If that is so, then if these molecules are successfully altered, would it be possible to completely rid of human suffering, pain, and perhaps even boredom? It sounds like a great idea.
But I don’t think everybody would accede to that. Simply because, we humans, subliminally admire the flawed nature of reality and of ourselves. It is what makes this world more bearable to live in. Because if the real world were faultless, unsullied and absolute, that would be such an anomaly, our human minds shall simply not be able to handle.

- - - -

I think of love, and what a novelty it would be to me if I ever had one. Love and having someone to offer it to would be an infinite fascination for me; and I always think of the rain. How much I admire the drizzle of tiny beads of water falling from the vast azure sky. As if each of the droplets are on a race to fall back to earth to the tarred, wet cement road, then one would hit the ground first...`splatter splat splat, like a horse prancing on your rooftop.

Raining is such a romantic episode for me. The cold breath of the weather, soft whispering winds, almost baring the gentle,feminine side of nature.
I love to watch the rain, and am always tempted to go out and soak myself in it. If the time ever comes when I actually do that, I really hope that I would not be doing it alone. *wistful*

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