decisions

“There’s a moment, there is always a moment… when you say,
`I can do this, I can let this go on or I can resist it.’

~Closer

Do you believe in love?

Is love a choice?

That in each meeting with someone amazing, you would have to make the decision whether to feed on those feelings or just let it pass you by. Because love is a fleeting thing, the decisions we make from it are always risks. And we would not want to dare. For the idea of failure as a resultant shall always be dreadful for us.

So, the choices that are made in haste. Like a chance meeting with a person that made your heart skip a beat, and you would have to decide if you’ll love the person or not. They go unnoticed, but they would dearly affect a part of your life. Yes, there will be a moment, but it would be ephemeral that it would almost be instinct. Still, it would be you who’ll decide. And it is such a reality to me for people to fall randomly with some person they meet somewhere along the line. An arbitrary encounter with that special person who’d give you the sense of romanticism you’ve idealized. Then there will always be a moment just for the both of you. When you look into each other’s eyes and realize something wonderful is happening, and deep inside you, you are torn…

For what you’d have to do next is… choose.

- - - -

Artiste is rather daft sometimes, set aside his extravagant claims for his incredible wit. He tells me I am not like the other girls, yet he treats me like them. He tells me I am quite clever, and he knows that well. Yet he disappoints me so in talking to me about things that happen to him, like what a joke some girls are on the channel, and how easily they are duped. And he talks to them like how he talks to me at times, most of the times… back then. Now, I don’t allow it, or I’ll just steer the conversation into something less indecorous. He should know that I would be clever enough to be aware of it. I am not sure if he just doesn’t comprehend that I notice it in him, or if he is just testing me. But I know what he does, and what he likes to do. Some times I would just badly wish he’d not pm me any more because he makes himself sound awfully pathetic. I would not want to see or think of him anywhere close to that. He is a great guy, and he is just that, a guy. And my goodness, how terribly egotistical they can get, and yes, daft. I know what he is up to, and sometimes I get kicks out of it when I just go along with whatever he says. Sometimes I do that to people; to see the effect it would have on them, and on their emotions. And to him, I wanted to see how he would react, and what he would tell me after that. It was such a novelty then.

Now, I want it to stop. Because I am tired of it, I am tired of him and his boring mind games.


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