I should be

If there is one thing that would definitely rile me up, it’s not telling me you’re going to do something I will certainly find unacceptable. At least have the decency to tip me off first before you pull a stunt. Then it would be much easier for me to leave room for conciliation with the incident. Just notify me first, that is all I ask of you.

Sometimes it could be very taxing being nice and amicable to people. As much exertion of effort you put into it, they still fail to appreciate the good things you did for them which the idea of could wear you down doubly. I mean, it’s the least you could probably do after having the little guy do all the dirty work for you. Just a simple “thanks”, and it would do a world of difference for them because the only reason why they do it in the first place is to be acknowledge, to be appreciated by the people they do these things for, and it would be nice if you could show a little gratitude even just for once. I suppose I should try and be more aggressive, to not let people just boss me around and say yes to everybody. Perhaps I should shed that old behavior and try on a more audacious and bold persona. It would positively be a cool way to beat boredom from life to have people experience a new more brazen you. The only hitch is that I am not exactly that kind of person who likes to have people know what I feel all the time. Even as a little girl, the time when I was supposed to be passionate and so full of emotions; unafraid to let people know how I felt, I had been terribly discreet about it. But what I did with it though was channel it through creative ways. It manifested in the artworks that I made, and through the essays that I wrote but never in reality. Yes, I do cry when hurt… and laugh hysterically when amused but only for a short while. I’ve never learnt to fuss about things that disappointed me too long nor did I swank about my laurels too much, and for some people that might be an advantage. But I’ve never learnt how to actually act on it, to act on my emotions and not analyze the pros and cons of the situation first before I do stuff. Go head first and plunge into unclear situations, yeah… that’d be unlike me. Tell that guy who stole you’re seat while leaving you to stand the rest of the trip on a bus to piss off and die for not being chivalrous, shout at the lady who’s trying to cut in the line to go back at the end of the line and follow the fucking rules, retaliate to the nasty remarks being underhandedly spewed about you by the uncouth meddling women in front of you accusing you of cutting in their line, vociferously ask for your change from the sleazy driver who’d scowl while reluctantly handing it to you, and probably the best that I could do is to stand up to a professor and let him know how freaking boring his lectures are and we don’t learn nothing, and we wont unless he starts behaving like a real teacher not like a blabbering fool in front talking to himself all the time, I mean! Come on! Can’t you at least try and establish a connection with your students? That way they’d at least be interested and want to learn. Good teaching isn’t about how eloquently you speak using complicated analogies and stuff, or how many awards you’ve received in the course of your lifetime but how well your students comprehend the things that you try to teach them. As they would often say, how much you know would manifest in how well you explain things. Well, I could rant like this here, but in real life I’d be darned if I ever did say anything close to this. Perhaps I should… but when I actually get around to wanting to do it, I chicken out. That is what’s wrong with me… I’m a big chicken. Cluck Cluck.

- - -

You glance at her with adoring eyes
Sit next to her to share her loneliness
Proffer a tender hand
That would caress hers
Steadying it from shaking
Soothing the worries
That troubles her
You are gallant in expressing
What you truly feel
Towards her
She stares back at you with
Adoring eyes
I look away,
Cause it starts to sink in
That all you’ll ever have for me
Are fleeting cold looks.

--oOo--