Transparency of a lying prick

Is it not amazing how some people would only begin to realize your worth when you begin to realize their unworthiness to you? It is such hilarity what a sense of humor fate has. You would just have hysterics as you look back at it all. Really, it’s as simple as pretending not to care about the person and he’d stick to you like an adhesive. Because, as much as we’d deny it… the difficulty to possess something that you would dearly want is too much of an appeal we would not resist. We love to tag some extra effort on everything that we do; it’s the spice… the jazz. You know how you say sometimes that you wish things would have been easier? Well that is a sham… if everything was easy you’d go through the rest of your miserable life miserable and most likely asleep because it would be simply monotonous. And if someone threatens to exit your life, you’d instinctively endeavor to let them stay… even if you did not have a particular reason why you’d want them to stay. It is for the incentive that simply that threat that calls you to do something stimulates your biological nature to incorporate yourself in a situation where you are needed, and because it is nature for life to be such a malfunction and you would want to be a part of that. So you’d snag every opportunity that invokes a sense of necessity for your humanity. Simply put… you have to feel needed; you have to make them feel needed… because that validates an impression of something that endures and still persists. Probably the best example of that, and probably one which most people could relate to, is loving someone. It is a job, to love… you would have to maintain it and make sure things are well. The occasional tiffs and shallow wrangling are not to be taken as an onset of some dreadful thing forthcoming; instead it is like a symptom of a healthy and perfectly functional relationship. If you still don’t get it… I’ll say this… there is a thick fat utterly distinguishable line between contentment, and boredom.

Well, there I was… talking to *Artiste which I have been doing a lot less lately, and trying to defend a philosophy which involved discrediting the subjugation of women on the main channel. (I was chatting online) They apparently ganged up on me because I was arguing in English and it is like a heretical thing to do there. Well, know what I think? Those people are just intimidated and probably pissed that I’m (being female too) their realization of their failure to be proficient in the language. And we all know how much men hate to disappoint themselves, and for someone to rub it in their faces. Well you should have thought of that before you skipped your English classes in high school eh? Don’t act like I’m to blame for your shortcoming… If you really do want something done, it would essentially depend on how bad you want it. Get off your ass and do it. Such pricks, crab mentality is so old.

So, there I was trying my best to have a decent case out of the juvenile things they were trying to hurl at me when suddenly this person (a friend of *Artistes’ I suppose) asks that moronic infant *Artiste to come out and try to dispute with me cause he apparently is a renowned bastard who’d risk making a fool of himself in a bootless attempt to humiliate another person and yeah, puff out his ego. I did not expect him to actually regard the immature instigation, but he unfortunately did. It was a bit amusing… how he’d try to confound some of the things I said with the best of his cheesy humor. He quizzed… “How do you illustrate a point?” well… gee… from someone of your plane you should very well know what illustrating a point means... and you vaunt about your impeccable grammar. That is a terribly stupid move, I must say. Trying to justify yourselves by being insincere only confirms your self-doubt and how little conviction you have of the matter… and that does not establish a good argument. Oh well, so much for loyal friendship and those days we spent early in the morning trying to understand ourselves and what we stand for. I understand what mine is now; I am just not sure about you.

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I can see right through you now, right through your ribs… your lungs… your heart… your morose little eyes. You stirred me once because you spout of reality from a visceral point that which once fascinated me too. But I’ve grown out of it and you haven’t. You needn’t put down other people just so you’d feel above them. You needn’t fill that void with something you took out from someone else. Heck, you are becoming like them… or you always were? I hate to think of it. Yesterday, you made me realize how much of you distaste me… I know the things you did and the reasons why too. I did like you… but that was just a thought. I wanted to like you but I never seem to get myself to. If I happened to like you, genuinely… that would invalidate my superficiality when it came to men and that was the initial reason why I wanted to like you. I’m not saying that you are not a likeable person or that I detest you… you’re great but we just clash. I don’t understand why you unexpectedly talked to me last time... because I was acting up? Because angry women excite you? Because I might not talk to you again and you’d have no one to play with? Or because you just realized my worth? What am I to you?

You’ve upset me, not only once… and that is enough for now.

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